gapingfurnace:

napoleon bonaparte

more like napoleon BORN2PARTY

I started thinking today and it absolutely crushed me. I lost my grandfather to stage four lung cancer on September 3rd. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him. I feel so much guilt for not spending as much time as I should have with him. After he got sick, I was so scared to see him. I knew that I wouldn’t see the grandpa I had grown up with, the one that would pull on my ears and tease me. The one that would never fail to make me smile or laugh. I didn’t want to see that man that I loved lying in a bed barely able to move. I went and saw him on September 2nd. I am so glad I did. It killed me to see him in the condition he was but I talked to him. I took his hand and I just talked to him and told him I loved him and he smiled. He wasn’t able to say much but if he could I knew he would have told me that he loved me too. The morning of September 3rd my mom came in, woke me up and told me he was gone. Not even 24 hours ago I saw him alive and now he’s gone. My parents told me he held on for me and I’m so glad he did because if I hadnt seen him before I would feel so much more guilt. Today I started thinking about how much I would go through without him here. My birthday is in a week and this is the first birthday he won’t be here. He’s not going to see me graduate. He’s not going to see me get married. There’s so many things that I want him to be there for. But I know he will be..he’s always with me even though hes not physically there. I’m so happy he’s not suffering anymore though, I’m so glad he went quick. What I would do to feel one more ear pull or hear one more teasing but I know I’ll see you again someday, grandpa. I love you and miss you so much.